A few years ago I wrote an article "What If" in which I contemplated what my life would be like without my boxers. It is only at times of painful or stressful experiences (a fading puppy, the painful decision in letting an old and dear friend go in peace or the anxiety of birthing babes) that I truly examine that possibility. This past week was one of those times. An emergency C-section and the loss of three babes sent my heart and intellect into an emotional turmoil.

Now that the agony, grief, despair and pain are hopefully behind us and the little ones suckle at their mother's teats, I again question my logic in putting one of my bitches and myself through this rendezvous with life and death. Dog breeding is not for the faint of heart. I realized that fact many years ago. In spite of the heartaches and loss sometimes involved in this pursuit I always manage to be sustained by one of my true successes. Not all of my victories are in the show ring. My solace comes from those dogs I produce who work their wonders in ways far more glorious than that first taste of victory or that first blue ribbon placed in my hand. These canine contributions are the ones that touch hearts, friends and people I may never meet.

Today I received the following letter from Mary Ramey and the trial and tribulation of the past few days are brought into their true perspective. A letter like this, always received at just the right time, is the world's best remedy for a weary body and soul. Her letter provides the answer to my question and it gives me the inspiration I need at this moment to continue to follow my heart and dreams.

Arnold (Sarkel's Terminator Too) or "Arnie," as Mary lovingly calls him, was one of my "didn't turn out for show" dogs. I loved him and nurtured him until just after his first birthday. Just before Christmas I placed him in Mary's life and heart. As you read her letter you will understand why I am proud of his accomplishments and find that they outshine any honors I may have achieved or will achieve at ringside. Arnie is doing what a boxer does best; my justification for giving him life is validated.

7-28-93
Dear Ann,
Hi! Sorry it has taken me so long to write back to you but Arnie and I are in New Mexico for the summer. We'll be here until Aug 18 and will return for school to start Aug 23rd.

It's very exciting to be here and you won't believe what we're doing! It all started with Spring Semester and I had to go back to school and leave the big "Arm Man" at home. It was awful! I missed him so much and my father was having too much fun with him and I got very jealous. I was telling someone at the nursing home I was doing clinicals at and she said I should just bring him. Needless to say it only took a couple of times for everyone to get use to him and suddenly we were the most popular team there. I bought him a backpack to carry "nursing stuff" in and he was a huge hit!

We had a lot of heartwarming moments. One man who was very quiet and didn't talk much, opened up a great deal - but only to Arnie. Even when he was not on my rotation, we would go see him because he loved Arnie so. Then in April, he was not doing very well. I think, looking back, that Arnie knew that more than anyone. He slipped into a coma and Arnie would still insist that we spend time with him. The day he died, we had spent about an hour with him and the whole time Arnie had his head resting by his hand. Arnie knew. He's a most special being. His soul is so grand. He has taught me more about caring and compassion that I could ever get in school and a lifetime of nursing. We are in Albuquerque, New Mexico working as a team with autistic and mentally retarded children. Arnie's great! He knows they're different. I think if we were in a room of 500 kids and one needed him, he could pick it out! The children love him. Since there is hardly much improvement with most of these kids, anything new is greatly appreciated. And, some of the therapists tell me that the time spent with Arnie helps to "prime" the children for their work. It's all very interesting and of course Arnie's reactions are fun to watch. I have to make sure he's slow and careful with the really young kids but he seems to understand why I am doing that.

So, this is not quite what I was planning on doing but it seems the work we were both made for. I'm going to get Arnie to be a "service dog" or "therapy dog" which he already is, but I'm sure there is some special training that we'll go through. Then, if I work home health care, he'll be able to go with me. Isn't it great?!!! I truly have the best of both worlds. A great future as a nurse and to be able to do that with Arnie! He's the greatest!

I guess you'll have puppies by the time you get this. Would it be okay if Arnie and I came to see them? I should be home in August about the 18th and I'll get the phone hooked back up and let you know. I can't thank you enough for Arnie, he truly has a beautiful soul. I just had to share him with these beautiful children.

Take care!
Mary & Arnie

Thank you Mary and thank you Arnie for lifting my spirits. Thanks too for reminding me that the true beauty of the boxer is seen through his soul and not through the eyes of those who may judge him at ringside. Arnie is a true "special" no statistics can ever measure.